


you're gonna cry and, baby, that's alright

by iamalystark



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Depressed Spencer Reid, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Spencer Reid, I'm Sorry, Sad Spencer Reid, Season/Series 11 Spoilers, Spencer Reid Angst, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Spencer Reid Whump, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:55:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalystark/pseuds/iamalystark
Summary: Spencer Reid knew that everyone left him, and then he thought Derek Morgan was the exception. He was wrong.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	you're gonna cry and, baby, that's alright

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally so sad, i am so sorry
> 
> it's just a vent about how much I hate that everyone left (especially derek😭😭)

Spencer Reid knows a lot of things. He knows statistics, and he knows probabilities. He knows facts. 

And one of those facts is that eventually, everyone will leave him. He'd known it since he was a kid and his dad walked out, not bothering to look back.Since he'd had to take care of his mother when she should have been taking care of him, and he got used to the feelings of feet meeting his ribs and knuckles meeting his face from kids at school. 

He'd known since his heart had been ripped from his chest and torn to shreds at his feet, and he'd cried himself to sleep every single night. The first person to leave would always hurt the worst, he thought. 

Maybe, though, when it was him who was leaving, his mother screaming at him for betraying him, that would hurt the worst. (He didn't really know.)

The next to leave was Elle. He hadn't known her well, not like he knew Gideon or even the other members of his team, but it still hurt. 

She was his friend, someone he thought really cared. And then she was gone, and she didn't bother keeping in touch with any of them. Spencer knew then that she never really cared, because if she had she would have at least offered him a goodbye. That was when he started to realize that everyone would _always_ leave. 

Not long after Elle went, it was Gideon. It felt like when his father left, but so much worse. He hadn't even gotten a goodbye, just a note and his badge like that would make up for it. 

For a while after, he hoped and he prayed that he'd get a call or he'd just run into him some day, that he'd get a chance to say something other than, "Night, Gideon."

(He had no idea that he'd never speak another word to him, and when he did see him, he'd be dead.)

JJ left next. He cried for a long time over it, had begged any God out there to let her come back, and then she had, and she promised she'd do everything in her power to never leave again, but Spencer could never quite believe her.

When Emily died, Spencer felt like he died with her. He spent months crying over her death, over the fact that he never got to say goodbye. He even broke down in front of Morgan once in the bathroom at Quantico. 

("E-Everyone always leaves, Derek. Everyone." 

"I promise you, kid, you won't lose me, okay?")

Emily came back, breaking his trust in her, in JJ, in Hotch. If they cared, how could they lie to him like that? How could they watch him break apart right in front of them and keep it to themselves? 

Morgan stayed, though. Through everything, Morgan stayed, and for once, Spencer thought he was wrong. He thought maybe, just maybe someone would stay. 

Spencer Reid knew that everyone left him, and then he thought Derek Morgan was the exception. He was wrong. 

Derek leaves and it hurts worse than anything he's ever felt in his life. It's worse than when his dad left, when Gideon left, when _anyone_ else left. Derek was his best friend, the one person he'd always counted on. 

When he leaves, Spencer wants to beg him to stay, but he _can't_ because he understands why he's going. He has a family now, a family that's more important than him. He gets it, he's not mad, but when Derek leaves, something breaks in him that day.

He thinks back on a promise Morgan had given one day, that he'd never leave him, that he'd be the exception, and the next time he hears the words, "I promise," he never quite believes them again. 

Spencer Reid thought that the first person to leave him would always hurt the worst, but he was wrong.  
It was really the last.


End file.
